Take This Decision Away | Todd's Story

riverside todd princl sarah's studio: Mm-hmm. To the Addicted to God Podcast. I'm your host and Bible mentor, Sarah Schneider, and I am addicted to God. Addicted to God is a community of imperfect people who are pursuing a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. For over 20 years, I have been on my own addicted to God journey. This movement was inspired by the hundreds of incarcerated women that I have had the privilege of mentoring in my local jail. The more I learned about their addictive behaviors, the more I realized that my zeal to know God's word is not that different from their uncontrollable desire to use their drug of choice. So in a nutshell, addicted to God is where we transfer the unhealthy, unsatisfying, and destructive habits and choices to the freedom and fulfillment that can come only from the one healthy addiction, and that is God and his limitless word. So I encourage you to share this podcast so we can end addictions and Encourage the defeated, and help anyone who wants to have a relationship with God but does not know where to start. So let's get addicted to God together. Friends, I am especially excited to host this podcast today and welcome another amazing guest who has a testimony that will inspire you and also prove our good God is able to transfer any worldly stronghold. Total freedom and fulfillment. And so, Todd, I am honored to have you here as our guest today. Welcome to the Addicted to Gotten Pod. And please tell us a little bit about you. Well, thank you very much. Yeah, my name's Todd Prinzel, and I'm gonna be sixty-four years old on Christmas Day. I am married to Lynn for twenty-two years. We just had our anniversary at the end of September. Got two boys. Sawyer is twenty, just turned twenty October ninth. And Jordan, he's going to school at Stout, his freshman year, and he's 18 years old. Had both of the boys later on in life, 44 and 46. So yeah, that was a little bit of a struggle, but we got through it. Now they're good kids. So yeah. That's awesome. How does it feel to share your birthday with Jesus? Well, it's like all you heard growing up was, Well, you're getting ripped off because of presence. And it's like, well, you grow up into it, and my mom and dad were pretty good at get me a bike or something, six months in summer or whatever. So they were really good. And it never really bothered me. You know, at the time it's like, well, they name me Todd and it's like, well it rhymes with God. And it's like, you know, I kinda used to play with that, but that's more of a secular type of thinking. And yeah, grew up in a Catholic church. Was Catholic for like forty years and then branched off of that. my walk with the Lord was not really strong, I would say. We had some beliefs, but I was pretty hyper kid. So my attention span was where I saw the Catholic Church as repetitive. And that didn't keep me, it didn't challenge me, a lot not like the Bible does today and how the indwelling in the Holy Spirit really gets you to do a lot of selfie valuation and and yeah, it's so it's been quite the journey. We change. We change a lot. So what happened then growing up Catholic, more or less not feeling like that was a Path to choose or h how did your faith evolve? Well, so I moved to Green Bay in eighty-nine and I I got into lifting weights, so there's a lot of vanity involved. Grew my hair long, had a rock star persona. And so with that there was a lot of girls. So there was no sign of God. I didn't go to any church. But then as I got older, like say just around thirty five years old, went to a nightclub. And I had one girl call me a creep. That's when I felt old because she was probably in her twenties and it was like, Yeah, you're a creeper. And it's like, Whoa, never got called that before. I used to be able to get away with a lot of that and I had a younger look, but flattery and Yes. And then I went into the other one, which was like a classic rock type place where a older crowd would hang out. And I think that's where God got my attention because there's a guy sitting at a bar and he just looked depressed all by himself. And it's almost like God was painting a picture of, yeah, that could be you. Yeah, so I was like, that's when I I didn't get depress it was a short period of depression, but that's when I think he woke me up to the point of what's your purpose in life? So that first thing that happened and the second thing that happened was a combination of the two together that kind of woke me up to like, yeah, you know, I was felt like I was destined to be a bachelor. I mean, the house that I was living in, the dining room had a pool table in it. So what you know, what does that tell you? So then I met my wife and we broke up and it's like I think it was the way that we broke up. It was almost like she didn't care. Where the other ones would like be tears and crying. And I don't know if that fed my ego at the time. It was part of the the vanity and it's like because I I didn't care how self centered. But with her it was different. And then I tried getting back together with her and she made me work for it a little bit. And it's like, well, never had that before. I got back together with girls in the past and it's like, you just go back into it. Yeah. And then we got engaged. And at the time it was like she knew that I didn't want to have kids. I go, Yeah, I don't want to bring up a kid in this evil world that we're living in and b you know, blah, blah, blah. And I remember then we got married. And there's two girls that used to room with me. We got together and they had kids at the time. I haven't seen for like five years, maybe longer than that. They were Already getting their lives established. So we went out with them and then went to one's house after and they were talking about their kids. And I'm like, my wife can't add to that conversation because we don't have and I felt a little sad. And I think that started it too. But what really got the ball rolling was when we went to a wedding. And I was sitting with her mom and we're looking at Lynn. She's out on the floor dancing with these Two little girls, I don't even know who they were. I don't even know whose wedding was. And I'm just sitting there staring. And it it just kind of I can't deny her kids, you know? It was one of those feelings. And then she came back and her mom right there, and I said, You want to have a baby? Let's have a baby. And she's like, I thought she was gonna tackle me. It was like, well, and then then it's like just by saying that, boom, she got the book, she got all of this. It's like she never really pushed me into her mom did a little bit. she'd make such a good mother, l stuff like that. Uh-huh. And it's like, yeah, yeah, whatever. You know? Yeah. And but she never did. But when I said that, it just like took off. It's almost like Woman on a mission. Well, yeah. It's almost like when you ask for engagement, it's like this was something like, whoa, you know, it kinda okay. I guess I can't undo what I just did. So we had a hard time. Now this is before faith, so let's just put this into a secular type. We We're trying and trying and trying and we clean cap kids. So we went in I don't know if it's artificial dissemination, in vitro or whatever the definition is. And well then she got pregnant. Okay. So we went for the ultrasound. And I remember going, I was like kinda numb, you could say. Yeah, I was pretty numb. Trying to process things. That's the way I am. And got to the the doctor, put it on the screen and then like boom, boom, boom. It's like I go, is that what I think it is? It's like, yeah, you're having triplets. Wow. And she didn't say anything. It's like, it's like he didn't sign up for this, you know. And inside out I'm like frantic. I'm like, twins would be okay, you know, but triplets, I was freaking out. I bet. And this is probably a test from God too, because the doctor great people. But I mean, sometimes their bedside manners are a little bit rigid. So he goes, yeah, if you want, you can make one go away. It's like Huh, really? It's like, yeah, you can just pick one and then can have twins. I'm like, You can really do that? It's like, yeah. I'm like, Okay. But I'm like, Wow. And then we were walking to the car and I'm trying to process all of this. And I I think at the moment I was thinking, What would the Lord think of this? It was like almost like he was prompting me or nudging me. And then basically like You make one go away? I can make all three go away. And that's why I told my wife, Well, let's have all three. And she hugged me because I think she was feeling it's like, well, he didn't sign up for this. So okay, fast forward. So I think the next one was twelve weeks. We go in there and I remember the first time, so there's the three eggs and you could see the baby in the middle. They're like egg with little dots in the middle. But the other one was kind of hugging, chilling against the egg. leaning against it, it looked like. And I thought, Hmm, that one looks a little different. So when we looked at the screen, those two grew like double in size. And the other one was the same. no. And I go, That one didn't make it, didn't it? It it was so funny 'cause we go to these and I was like 'cause I ask a lot of questions. Sure. You know, and she's just sitting there kind of probably listening to what the doctor all has to say. And he goes, Yeah, that one didn't make it. And at the time I Was relieved. I gotta be honest about this. I can't lie about it. I w I was relieved. It's like, Whoa, Lord knew that. But okay, so twins, all right, settle down, I'll fast forward to next one. So I'm at work and I think it was like ten thirty in the morning. And I got a call on the floor at work and one of the girls said, Todd, your wife's on the phone and I can't understand a word she's saying. She's a little bit frantic and I'm like, Whoa, all right. So got the phone and I couldn't understand it. Well then the ambulance driver picked up the phone and talked to me and says, Yeah, we're admitting your wife to the hospital via ambulance. Meet us over at Aurora. I'm like kinda in shock. So I'm sitting there twiddling my thumbs. They brought me into a room. Yeah, we're expecting them. And then then they go bring her in and she's like laughing. Well, can't be all that bad. I ain't getting any details. I had no clue what was going on. I was shaking though. So what it was, she had to be on bed rest. And we're sitting I don't know, my math is probably off, but we might be at s four months in. So she would have to be on bed rest for the duration. So that's another five months. Yeah. All right. Fast forward again. She's on bed rest. But I think that only lasted about two weeks. So we were into the five months because I think it was twenty three weeks, five days if I remember. I mean she'll probably correct me on that when she hears this. And I was coming off at nights and spent a night there sleeping on a cot. Very uncomfortable cot, but I dare not say a word because she's on bed rest, she was not a happy camper, let's put it that way. They got a fitness center there and I was tying my shoes, I was gonna go work out and she says there's something kinda wrong here. She goes, Can you get a nurse? All right, gonna got a nurse, it's finishing tying my shoes. She goes, whoa, should I stay here? She goes, Yeah. The head is right there. One of the babies heads you know. Well, I mean they're so little, so Yeah. So the cool part about this whole situation was that this was that s shift exchange of the hospital where the doctors nurses group comes in. All the doctors and nurses that were there prior stayed because they counted the months. They said this is the two smallest babies ever delivered here according to the period of time. So they were like excited. This is like a monumental event for them. So they led her into the room and they put me into a room and then they forgot about me. no. And then they finally get to say, What are you doing? I go, Well, I'm waiting for somebody to come get me. It's like, well, we're ready to start. And then I get in there and it's well, there's the husband. I'm like, embarrassed. And there's like probably 14 people in his room. Two doctors, the two isolates, and then a bunch of other people. And the lady that was, I think Lynn went to school with her. She was bedside, kind of talking her through what's gonna take place and everything. And she was excited. She goes, This is so cool. I've never seen this before. So they said, Your their eyes are gonna be fused shut. This is very delicate, very quiet because the overstimulation can go one way or the other. So we're gonna do this as simple as possible. And you're not gonna hear any sound out of Well, the first one came out with Sawyer, who's twenty years old right now. He let out a little squeal and it was like they could just hear the side and it is like so cool. I mean. But then Sean, who's the second one, they had to resuscitate him. They lost his heartbeat. And they got up to the eight minute mark and they were gonna abort at ten minutes. But they got at eight minutes. So then they brought into the NICU and I remember my parents seeing for the first time. See with us we were kinda like didn't really look at them as like these tiny little things. Cause when you're in a NICU, they're all little babies. But my mom and dad were like, Whoa, it's like they're so little. I mean they're as big as your hand. Yeah. You know, ten inches long and one pound two ounces. That's what Sawyer was. So anyway In the NICU, you walk in and Sean's isolate was right by the door. I mean, you walk in a little bit and Sawyer's is way back by the window. And I remember I hardly spent any time with Sawyer. So it's almost like God set that up. 'Cause I spent more time with Sean. Not because he was closer and it was easy and you know being lazy. So I was coming off a nights and sleeping, and then Lynn came home and she jumped on top of me, tears coming down. She goes, Sean took a turn for the worse. So it was a series of up and down with him. So we went to the hospital and there was a a pastor and a doctor met us right at the door. And then they brought us into like a little room, kinda like their little chapel or whatever. And then they told us the prognosis with him. And I don't know if I'm saying this correctly. My wife does he had second degree bleeding of the brain, but there's a a good side of the brain and a left side, right side. So one is You're thinking and everything and the other one does repair work. Well, it was the side with the repair work and this side of the brain can't fix that other side. So they said, Okay, here's what your life is gonna be like and you got two choices. First choice is your child will be one hundred percent in co incapacitated. Yeah. Mhm. Wheelchair won't be able to talk a disabled child or you could abort and For some reason I don't know what they said, it's like and we got we need your answer quick. they gave us ten minutes. And I'm just like trying to process the information came out really quick and you're like, Whoa. And I remember saying to her, it's like, I can't do this. She goes, Me neither. That's all I remember. That's all. So then I I prayed. I won't say this is the first time I really sincerely prayed. I think the other one was when my wife was walking down the aisle and I said, Lord, just please let me be faithful to her because I knew what I did in the past. Right. That just disappeared. So that was part of the transformation. So I prayed. I go, Lord, we're tired. We feel defeated and re frustrated. I said, Could you please take this decision away from us? Right when I finished that sentence, the door opened and the doctor said, Your child's got full bleeding of the brain, his organs are shutting down. I'm like, whoa, what did I just pray for? It's hard to explain the Holy Spirit how it works, but then when they say an audio voice and it's like, I don't know how to explain that, but it was so Perfectly clear. He's him saying, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whose child is this? I'm like, okay, he's with me right now. Perfectly healed body. You concentrate on that other child. Wow. And I went from feeling guilt for what I prayed for to a perfect peace. And I didn't even born. I I was like, there was a a sense of joy. Cause I knew how rough it would have been. And here This child's gonna run up to me in heaven someday. Right? That's so big. Yeah. So that right there, I mean, God's present right there, that was like a two by four across the head. I mean, you cannot deny because the transformation from that guilt feeling to the peace, I'm not capable of that. I can't flip a switch like that without him. Wow. Interesting. And hearing you say that makes me think what you just described, that can only be that. Definitely. Because the timing and the peace. I say that a lot. I know when I'm in God's will or God is sovereign over my circumstances when I have peace. Correct. I can also appreciate what you're saying about hearing God's voice, because that is the Holy Spirit. Mm-hmm. And we hear it. And people who don't have the Holy Spirit don't understand how powerful it is to have God in. Us and can audibly speak to us so we can comprehend God's plan, God's will, God's word, all those amazing ways that God is real. my, I tell you that it's always about his will. Lord, use me. Because there are times where I will go outside of the box and try to come become my own God. My gosh, you'll shut doors like you would not believe in. And I was like, sorry about that. I go, I got a little carried away. I think God has a sense of humor and sometimes it's like he's hilarious. 'Cause I think I got a little bit of a Peter, jump spontaneous and he's gotta reel me in. Yeah. It's been a great relationship with him. Even with my my younger son. There was so much drama with Sawyer that well, Jordan came a along and it was like doctor, nurse Normal delivery, nothing Yeah, normal and they're like, Well, can we hold him? It's like they looked at us like you can do whatever you want with him. They're like Is it's your first one? It was like, well, they didn't understand. They didn't know how the first one went. And my wife even said that. We said together, I don't know how to love this baby. Because there was so much drama with that first one. The second one was like, This is too easy. I mean, he cried. Sawyer never cried. Well, Sawyer's got autism, but high functioning. And that's another story. That could be another podcast if you want to get into that one. Because the the life of Sawyer is pretty cool. Really, really cool. That is cool yeah, a lot of trials and errors with that one. But one morning so Jarn used to like to crawl in bed, you know, snuggle with mom. And he'd never come to me. Fine, you know. I mean, mom, boom. And one morning he he came to me. I started crying. And I I'm like, Lord, help me love this child like I loved my other one. And then I I don't know if I fell asleep or I was still up, but all of a sudden I just felt a outpouring of love. From head to toe. It's hard to explain it in human terms, but it lasted a good thirty seconds where I didn't want it to go away and then boom it went away. And then Jordan was still there. And all of a sudden I'm loving the kid. And just like that. It's crazy. Really crazy. Where in this did the Holy Spirit enter you? Was it something in your Catholic upbringing that you did surrender your life to Christ, but you just strayed from the faith? Through those wild and promiscuous years, your wedding day when you prayed, or the defining moment that God could take away one of the three or all three. All right. So that incident with Jordan, I had the Holy Spirit. So You knew it because you heard him. Yeah. Yeah. But but but it happened at a Bible study. The topic was on faith, and it was like it just got repeated like seven, eight times. It was a online podcast that we were watching and it's like he really wanted me to focus on the topic. So I'm like, Faith, Faith, it's like and every question or whatever, it's like I have all of that. And all of a sudden it's like I started kind of like hyperventilating. And I'm like, Whoa, I had to get out of the room. And that's when it hit me. And then one of the the ladies whose house it was goes, What's going on, Todd? I go, I th I think I just got the Holy Spirit. And as we're talking and stuff, she goes, I think you do, because you seem a little bit different right now. wow. Yeah. So where did that happen in the timeline? Did that happen during your marriage before kids? Did it happen after No, no, this is this is after even that incident at the hospital. I didn't get that transformation that comes with the Holy Spirit. I still did a lot of secular things, but it was a beginning and then that was the declaration. Yeah, it's it's a it's a When you hear other people when they receive it, it's different than how I did. But it but it was definitely was that moment because I was on fire for two months where I was two hours asleep. But I've I've done cocaine in the past long time, never got addicted to it, but I know that feeling. And that was how I felt for two months and functioning and felt great, felt healthy, as healthy as I ever it almost makes me sound like that's gonna be a heaven because no pain. I just wanted to learn and things are taken away. he doesn't take everything away because he always wants us to work on something. But I was nicer at work and yeah, it was just transformed. And then my first discerning moment, I didn't even know what that even was, but it was almost like I was going to bat for him. It was a situation and and then I got a little bit fire and brimstone, you could say. I was just beginning. And if people aren't familiar with that phrase, that is when you scare people to heaven. Yeah, that's that was not when you condemn people for their sins and you scare them to say if you don't receive Jesus as your savior, you will die and you will go to hell. And that's certainly not how Jesus teaches us there the gospel. I remember driving down the road after that situation and it's like I don't feel the same way. So it was like I thought I've lost the Holy Spirit. And then I wanted to get it back. Well, there's a lady in Waco, Texas. I think it was Waco. She was mentoring me through all of this. And I was going to a conference or something. And she knew that it wasn't gonna be a good one. And it wasn't. I don't want to get into that, but the discerning was over a certain religion. And well the guy asked the first question he asked is what affiliation are all you? So when it came to non denominational, I raised my hand and I looked around the room. There's one more person. That was it. There's three hundred people in this building. So every time he said something that he knew was gonna get a trigger out of me, he'd look at me. And first two, three times I was like, Why is he always looking at me? And then the fourth time it's like, seeing how I'm gonna react. Well then my eyes would get really stern looking and you could tell it he looked a little frantic up there. Well he had bodyguards. So after I was gonna give him a piece of my mind and these bodyguards intercepted me and it was pretty ugly. There's a lot of things in what you're saying. So the moment that you receive Christ, the Holy Spirit enters you, you are justified. And that is a very big churchy word, but to simplify it, it stands for just as if I'd never sinned. And I have an episode on that, big churchy words, because there are so many words that if you don't know what they mean, they can be a barrier to understanding scripture. So you were justified in that. moment, it sounds like in that Bible study. Yeah. And then the discernment you're talking about is the process from the moment we're justified throughout our life, we are being sanctified, which means we are becoming more like Jesus Christ. And that is with the help of the Holy Spirit. It's through the knowledge of the word. It's through taking the word and putting into application and living it out. And that transformation is called sanctification. The thing that you're talking about right now, which is so, so cool because I can relate. Spiritual gift. To have discernment. Yes. I wasn't at a conference. I was listening to a motivational pastor, whom I will not name, but we know in the believers circle as the prosperity preacher. They take scriptures and they tell you all the great things and God wants riches and wealth and success and he wants you to prosper. And that's on the Bible, but it Also has the opposite, which is you will suffer, you will struggle, you will be persecuted, people will hate you, Jesus says. So that discernment's so powerful because when you say he was saying words to trigger you, you were able to discern without even knowing I'm doing it from scripture. Yeah. To to know he is not biblically accurate. Right. Or if he is biblically accurate, he's twisting it in a manner that is misrepresenting the word. Well, 'cause he was describing all the churches and when he came to non denominational, he used mega churches as his topic. So he showed the big lights and everything and he goes, Does that look like Jesus to you? And it's like, Well, you know, I agree. So those mega churches with the lights and everything and all the other stuff that they do. Unless the the message is hundred percent clear, the most of are like what you just addressed, prosperity type, and that's what you're gonna get. So he was right with that. But he painted a picture that that's the whole non denominational Yeah. And they're not like that. We're the church I belong to now is three hundred people and it's great. I love that you say that with respect to a mega church. Partly the reason mega churches exist is because the word of God is taught unapologetically and people want that. They're hungry for truth. And that increases church attendance and that draws people. But as believers, we can wrestle with the showmanship and that it could very much distract from God and the truth of scripture because the Bible doesn't call a church a building. Right. The body of believers. Us a body of believers. So it doesn't matter. For me, I do go to a mega church, and my church is a teaching church. We teach scripture. We teach how to live out biblical truths. I mentor dozens of women. I teach several Bible studies a year. That's why my mega church is my church home. The word of God is preached and it is preached in a very clear way. I think mega churches get a bad rap when it comes to, I'm not gonna say names, but there's some big ones out there where it's a money hungry. They got private jets and and it and you can tell sometimes in the way they talk where it there's a lot of boasting. Yeah, absolutely. But they should not get I mean, Jack Hibbs church out in California. I'm sure he's got over a thousand people, and and he's one of those that he's sound. Yeah. And I've been following Lake Point Church lately, the Live Free podcast. Not familiar with it. Josh Howerton, he's a powerhouse and he's got a church that he says he has over twenty five thousand in attendance each week. And he's the real deal too. That's good. That's encouraging. Yeah, absolutely. And I love giving resource recommendations on this podcast because people who are listening, tuning in for the first time, trying to navigate this stuff. Yeah. So it reminds me of the book of James, James three, one. It says, Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because we who teach will be judged more strictly. That is where I rest in the fact that God will judge those of us who have been entrusted to teach the word. And if they are deceiving people, then they will face judgment for that. I think it was the first time I heard of I think it was Pastor Jack. Don't take my word for it. Study it yourself. Right. Absolutely. And then I think there's okay, if I'm wrong, I should be able to accept correction. And I am. We don't like to hear it, but I'm taking it now not as defensive as I used to. Right. Because I think the people that correct me are the ones that love me. They're my church friends. They're the ones that want me to be on a straight and narrow. You know, they're the ones that I'll even correct them. You know, so it's almost like we have that brotherly love for each other in the church and I got a men's group that is just outstanding. We're we're we're mature, little grizzled around the edges. It's like if you're looking at me. And but with that is like there's accountability. We share stories that we're totally transparent. It's like to be able to share that stuff is a relief. It really is. Because there are times I think that we keep everything bottled inside and we are afraid of what people are gonna think of us. But it's a relief when you find somebody else struggling about something that you're struggling with two. You're talking about your men's group or you talk about your accountability group and how you sharpen one another. And that's exactly what the word of God will do. Iron sharpens iron. Yeah. And so one person sharpens another. And so yeah, we want to read the Bible. In second Timothy it says for teaching, training, correcting, rebuking, and righteousness, because we do want other people to help us see our own blind spots. Correct. We can get the conviction of the Holy Spirit when we're reading the word and we can hear God's voice as we listen to God's word, but at the same time, we also love doing life with people. Right. So tell me more about that men's group that you are affiliated with and how has that played a role in your life? I tell these guys all the time, it's like we're gonna be spending time with each other in heaven. I go Why don't we just start now? I do remember saying that at one time. That's awesome. Yeah. It's so different because the the discussions will we'll brush a little bit on secularism, but you can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit there. We're there for an hour and a half and it's not enough. We get together once a week and we see each other on Sundays. And there's times when I go to church, you have your little fellowship and it's like, that's why I sign up for coffee because mom and the kids want to leave and I'm I'm just a chatter box going from one to one. And it's like, it's only time of the week I get to see these people. It's like, I don't know, your church family is just so different. There's a lot of love and there's a lot of it's just adult conversations, you know? There's a lot of wisdom that's getting instilled in each of us, and it's really cool. It really is cool. God never intended for us to do this journey alone. And so I love that we can gather together in the fellowship of other believers and grow. Yeah, and I remember there's a period of time too where I was going through my Apostle Paul, journey alone. Or who else would have been alone? Jonah kinda. Yeah, Jonah was. Elijah was. Yeah, there you go. Elijah would be probably a perfect example. But that was probably his purpose for me. When I look at my journey and how God has changed it, it's like I can't give myself credit for anything. I was just a willing ambassador, you could say. And Brian always tells me, it's like you're in tune with the Holy Spirit. It's like, well, you know something? He makes it pretty obvious. For me anyway. And yeah, when I screw up, he lovingly lets me know about it. I always say God knows he's gotta slap me across the head with a holy two by four. Yeah. you use the same thing. I use that also Yep, and then I'll figure it out. and sometimes it takes three three or four hits before it's like we're stubborn. And then and then on the last one it's like, Okay, I finally get it. I'll I'll comply, Lord. I hear you now. the patience he has. It's like he's teaching me that. Humility and patience are the two greatest things that Yeah. That are ongoing. Let's put that. You mentioned the Apostle Peter earlier and I always said, Thank God that he put Peter in the Bible because there is the opportunity for me to identify with a knucklehead like him. He was just so zealous, which I am. He was quick to talk, which I am. He would put his foot in his mouth, which I do, and yet God Jesus loved him anyway. And then he denied his Jesus. And I've had seasons where you just don't have that confidence to be able to stand up and believe. Sometimes I think it's okay when he denied Jesus, what was that like for a long period of time until he saw Jesus again? That had been so grueling, you know? That's a good thought. Yeah. That had to be awful. That'd be the ultimate trial. And and God prepared him for that to make him stronger. Yeah. For later on. So I wanna bring our conversation full circle. You were in the gym, you were a womanizer, I think I could use as a description. And then you had that crisis of reality, which is you're too old for younger women and you're getting older and have to make better choices. So God put your wife in your life. Right. Which I think is amazing. Okay, I got another thing. Okay. So so I worked swing shift at a paper mill and the divorce rate is like skyrocket for that. Some people say seventy-five percent. Wow. And parents with autistic children is like eighty percent. It's hard. Well, God took a self centered individual into that situation and kept it together. To me, that's a miracle in itself. 'Cause there are times where I would be so sleep deprived, like up Thirty hours straight. You're chemically imbalanced. And I remember being in that state of mind. Help me here. Lynn, my wife, she would be on the defense because who wants to be getting yelled at like that understandably so? But it was like a cry out for help for me. We used to watch Grayson Anatomy okay. So there's a PTSD doctor who froze at operating table. Well, his girlfriend was working alongside him and she's like, What are you doing? We gotta get this going. He said, Hug me. He said, What? Hug me, please. And give me a good one. And she did that and then he was able to operate. And I we only did this once. I said, Do that. If I ever get in the stage, just grab me and hug me. And I think what it is, I trust her so much. And it it it just flushed all the emotions out and I needed that at that moment. And yeah, it's not fun. it's almost like an anxiety attack, if you want to put it that way. I'll come home from work and she'll just ask a simple question and then another question and I'm like, that's too much over stimulation. I'm ready to go to bed. I didn't want to be bombarded with questions when I'm in sleep mode, almost falling asleep on the way home. But for a while she didn't understand that because she couldn't understand the process of working nights and being in that frame of mind, I guess. But we got through it. She was patient and of course I'd be apologizing and feeling guilty and all of that. But God had a purpose. I don't know if that was to make our relationship stronger or what, but man, he sure painted a a pretty good picture. of keeping us together. I say marriage is the greatest example God gave us on how to live selflessly. yeah. And I'd have learned that too. We went to marriage counselors and until I retired, 'cause she's almost nine years younger than me. So she's still working. And the kids are still little bit younger when I retired. I think they're both in high school. But all the extracurricular activities there she was doing while I was at work. It's like, how did you keep up? She goes, it got tricky sometimes, but I'm like, man I didn't ever realize how much workload you were doing while I was working. I tried to pick up some of the workload off of her and Yeah. I could do better. We always can. We are in process. Yes. For sure. So what advice would you have for someone who is possibly suffering the loss of a baby, maybe has depended on their looks and their vanity as being their mark of success and greatness or any facet of your story? If you could go back and give yourself advice before you made bad decisions or strayed from the Lord, what would you say? I think after a while of hearing other people who have had a change in them, take notice because that doesn't happen overnight. And especially if they have God in their heart, take a good self-examination of that and ask questions. Ask a lot of questions because we're not afraid to answer them. I'm learning to listen. I never was good at listening, but I'm I'm getting better at it. So my advice would be to self examine, see where you are in life, what are the things that are troubling you? And to surrender is hard. It's hard because pride is, is one of the biggest things we think that we can fix ourselves. And I've been to counseling before and never worked. But when it comes to somebody in the church coming to you, it's almost like the the perspective is different. You can almost feel a different sense of peace with how they explain things through scripture and the Bible. And The book of Proverbs is very good in really describing it in the Psalms. but but Proverbs so when I first started reading the Bible, I d I went to the book of John, which kinda outlines everything. It's a good it's a good starter. But then I went to Proverbs and that gets to the core of who you are and what you stand for and and what God doesn't morally look at as yeah, this is a bad path if you're on this path. Right. And I think that's where I really learned to self examine myself. Now, somebody that doesn't have the Holy Spirit, that's kinda like, well, that's a self help book in their eyes, because what else are they gonna compare it to? Surrendering to God is All I can say is if he knocks the door, you should answer it. Mm-hmm. Because your life will change. Yes. And I know a lot of people think it's like, well, I have to be perfect for him. yeah, I went through that stage. And yeah, he he'll show you how imperfect you are. Because in that token he's teaching you humility and how to treat other people. And that's a good thing too. That that's a good trial that's you know, gonna get you nowhere. if you do it on your own. But he'll he'll do a lot of purging within you. And I remember getting into with legalism. That was I mean the more I tried to be sinless, the more I was sinning. Right. You know, walking on eggshells. You know, I gotta be a a monk. I gotta be in my own little box and I can't even be in the outside world because I'd be distracted with all the sin that's in this world. Well, he doesn't want that. he wants us to be out and about, spreading the word. And legalism is when we are following the rules or we're in imposing rules on other people's life to meet our standards as opposed to grace, which Jesus so perfectly modeled in the New Testament when the Pharisees and the Sadducees, who were all legalist, and he would he would cast them away and say grace. Yeah, and Grace has entered the world and you no longer have to live by its rules. Yeah, that's that's where pride kinda comes in. It's like, no, that's not Well, he called him out. Right. Sinless perfection. Those that claim sinless perfection, I don't think really know how perfect Jesus is. Yeah. And that's a study in itself. My gosh, is it ever learning who Jesus was, his attributes, how he acted. Jesus was so good at asking questions. he didn't fall prey into some people's questions because he would answer a question with a question. Yes. It was I mean, he's just amazing. And and asking the questions what gave the answer. Yes, exactly. Or they'd yeah, they'd come to their conclusion. So what spiritual disciplines or resources or daily habits have you adopted and maybe even implemented into your family so that You are raising your kids in the Lord and you're shepherding your wife as the head of your household. What does that look like for somebody who's intrigued and they wanna crack the book? This is how I'm doing it right now. So Sawyer, we go to church and it's kinda for a mature audience, let's put it that way. And with him having autism, he kinda like loses focus. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, Okay, well. So me and him have been doing just one on one. And Sometimes they'll do it twice a week or once a week. And it's beautiful. It really is. I get him to talk. I ask him a ton of questions. I'll read and I can tell when he's like nodding off. And then I'll reel him in and then I'll say, So how does that pertain to the life of Sawyer? you know? And then he'll come up with something that's like, Whoa, that's perfect. Yeah. You know, and then I think he loves that encouragement 'cause then all of a sudden it opens the floodgates and then he then he's just chatter, chatter, chatter, you know. And then now you have to reel them in. It's like, okay, now you're getting on a tangent because it'll lead into something secular. But Jordan, I tried to do a Bible study with the two of them while they were younger, and Jordan would get annoyed because I'd have to slow down for Sawyer. And he would always interrupt. But I used to read the children's Bible with Jordan when he was little all the time. They're both instilled with the love of God. And I think the best advice I give Jordan is there's a positive and a negative reaction to what you're gonna do. You can either go one way or you can go the other way. I go, that's wisdom right there. And when you think that's something wrong, don't do it. Don't do it or think would God approve of it. Uh-huh. Good. I go, because you can get away with it, especially now when you're in college, you got total freedom. But he knows everything that's going on. So keep that in the back of your head. So that's that's the advice I give my children. And my wife we go to a a a separate Bible study. And she's seen situations where I would witness, she saw two witnessing situations. Sawyer got his license, I mean, which was a miracle in itself. It took us a long time. Yeah. And it was it took a lot of patience. And I was praying for patience and he wouldn't look at his mirrors. I'd have him changed lanes and knowing there was nobody on. He would just change lanes without looking, I'm like, and I did that a bunch of times. And I last time I yelled at him, drilled it, I pointed at a mirror. There's a reason for that. And there's a reason for these. I go, you gotta use them. So it it was a lot of work. And then he finally he passed. Well, he had a a little accident. He sideswiped something. He thought he hit a car. It could have been a pole. So we were having a Bible study and I don't know if it came up when did God help you? And he told me about that situation. He goes, I was praying to God to get me out of this as he's scraping whatever he's hitting. And I go, Did you damage the new truck that we got? And I stopped right there and And it was so cool because I couldn't yell at him. We're in a Bible study. How can I go from that to that? So it's like I was able to stop myself. And it's like, okay, let's look at it. Don't get worked up over something materialistic. So I thanked the Lord for that. my God, that was so awesome. So I looked at it and it's like, Whoa, you did a good number scrape the whole side. So then I'm like, man. So I called Lynn up. This is at Tundra Large and We went over there and see if nobody reported anything. So we're like, what do we do and all of that? And she gave a phone number. Well, here comes this kid walking up. And kind of dirty, like he was, you know, maybe working or whatever. And he he said he asked for a piece of gum or something. He says, I just threw up over a quick trip. Lynn was just about ready to leave. And I Lynn, you got any breath mint or a piece of gum? And she gave him a piece of gum. I here you go. And she was still hanging out there. So I just started talking to the guy. I go, Everything okay? He goes, Yeah, I was just walking around putting my application at all these hotels. I go, how how is that going? He goes, Well, I haven't heard from any of them yet. And I go, Would you like to pray? He goes, Of course. So I prayed. And after the prayer, he said, after I threw up, I prayed to God that he would send somebody my way. I go, Well, here I am. Couldn't get that out of my mind. So we went home. I went back to Tund Lodge. And I described kid and he goes, Yeah, he was just in here before. I said, You wanna know something? He's a good kid. I was just talking to him earlier before. I think you should give him a chance. I told him I was a Christian. I I go, he just seemed like he had a kind face. She goes, I agree. And she's taking notes. wow. Well, I was going to like dive more into it. I don't know about you, but God'll shut the door. It's like, okay, it's my turn to take over. Yeah. So if he did get hired, he's gonna put two and two together. It's like I prayed for God to send somebody my way. And if he got that job, not for me to know, but for him and that connection with God. And then the second one was up north, we were at a supper club. Well, it was kinda like a bar. But there's they have a really good fish fry. And there was a a lot of people there. Well, one waitress hauled in and this one girl's frantic working. It's like God said, watch her. All right. So I'm watching her and I'm like, my gosh, she's here all by herself. And We were there an hour and a half. They lost our order and what Lynn ordered, they ran out of that and she was really, really frustrated. And with something with their computer system they lost orders and she knew that we ordered some food. And she came up to me, she was almost in tears. Mm. And she had her hand on the table and I put my hand on top of her and I'm like, What am I doing? What am I doing? You know, sometimes you have you ever I go, I can get in trouble first, but she never moved it away. And she's apologizing for how long it's taken and I asked her, so how would people usually react to us waiting? She goes, There's a lot of mean people in this world. I go, I know there are. But you wanna know something? Have you ever heard of Jesus? She goes, Of course I have. I go, Well, his grace is bountiful. And I go, if he can give grace to millions of people in this world, why can't I give you a little bit of grace right now? She was so happy, she gave me a little hug. And then you kinda wanna like visit her. I'll come in and it's like, How are you doing? And and all of that. And I'm looking up scripture and stuff like that. And as I'm researching, it's like I'm drawing a blink. Nothing's come to me. It's like, You want me to stop, don't you? did you ever get that where he'll boom, put an end to it? yeah. And it's like it's his turn to take over. Yep. And and and I'll just smile. It's like, hey, better than I do. I'd I'll just get in the way, won't I? He's like, exactly. That's awesome. And you're right. When we have the love of God, we transfer that love. to the people around us so much easier than we would if we tried in our own efforts. Correct. Yeah. Those are great examples. Well even when it comes to witnessing, I can't do the street preacher, the Bible tracks thing. Mm-hmm. That that's not me. And for a while I I'd feel guilty about that. For me, it's quality over quantity. So I wait for those promptings and I love them. I love them so much because they're so spontaneous that I don't have time to think. Right. You know, if if if I'm If I got the time to think, I'll just screw it up. Because that's when he takes over and it's so beautiful. I love it. That is so cool. What a great, great testimony. And we've talked about a lot. Yeah. I would love for you to answer my final question and my favorite one to ask, which is what does addicted to God mean or look like to you? I think it's like all addictions. You can't get enough of it. And with God, when you see him at his best in your walk, when he really shows himself and I gave you some examples. You want that all the time. And sometimes you'll be like, Where are you, Lord? Where are you? You know, he wants us to deep dive a little bit more for him. He's not being mean or anything. He's just like, Yeah, there's something missing. You're not spending enough time with me. Let's let's work on that. In a loving way, he says that and he's right. Well, he doesn't want us to be transformed to the world. He wants us to be transformed to him. So That addiction is how he shows himself to us and when he does, you want more of it. And then you start imagining heaven where it's gonna be like that all the time. We're gonna get the fullness of God and we're gonna have the full counsel of God. And I cannot imagine what that's like, but we do discuss that at our men's group once in a while. You know, you get on that little and and it's just kinda like speculation. The good Bible gives you little pieces here and there, but I think sometimes we have no idea what we're gonna be seeing. And feeling and acting. Well, thank you so much, Todd This has been an incredible conversation, an emotional one. Yeah. And God uses the good times and the bad times to help us grow. You certainly have had testing and challenges. And I love what you said. You will see your son in heaven. Yeah. First one too. Yeah. You've got two little ones up there that are waiting for you to come home. Yeah. They can meet you. yeah, I think about that once in a while. Cause there are times it's like, you know. Sean, it's like, we didn't forget about you. Actually, you you're part of the testimony, so your name does get brought up. A lot, I bet. Yeah. That's cool. Wow. Well, I'm going to conclude this podcast and say, friends, I am truly thrilled to have you on this addicted to God journey with me, learning to trade every harmful addiction for the one that truly satisfies, and that is Jesus Christ and his living word. If today's episode stirred something in you, would you please share it with someone who feels stuck or hopeless or discouraged? Because you never know how God might use it to spark freedom in their life. And I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook or YouTube at Sarah Annie Schneider. And if you would be so kind as to follow me and subscribe to my YouTube channel, I share a daily inspiration in the form of a video short. I endearingly call that pondering on the path with my pup. And it's where I share what I I'm reading in God's word every day and what God is teaching me through his word. And so please follow me there. And also, I am always looking for guests, just like Todd and his powerful testimony that he can bring the truths of God and the goodness of God to life and to inspire those of you who are walking a similar path. So if your life has been genuinely transformed by Jesus, if you've experienced what it means to transfer your addiction to God, I'd love to hear your story. Please email me at addicted to Godpod at gmail.com. And as we close, don't forget, you are not defined by your past or your struggles. And when you transfer your addictions to God, he becomes the one and only healthy, healthy addiction. So God bless you, friends, and fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith. And we'll see you next week. And don't forget to choose a better addiction.