Who Told You?

If you’ve ever spent time on a couch in a counselor’s office, you may have noticed a particular technique used often to prompt deeper conversation: questions. A good counselor knows how to ask good questions. Why? Because counselors engage with their clients in ways that help them think deeply and critically about the issues that brought them there in the first place. They draw on a well‑established truth in psychology: people are far more likely to change when they themselves come to understand the real problem, rather than when someone simply tells them what it is.

For example, if my friend has a drinking problem and I confront her directly, she will most likely brush me off and insist she’s fine as a way to justify her behavior. Until she reaches the realization on her own that her drinking is a problem, meaningful action is unlikely.

Counselors understand that any advice they offer will only take root after their client has reached a sober‑minded understanding of the true issue—not just their perceived version of it. So they ask questions.

God, the greatest Counselor, also knows how to ask good questions—questions that reveal and expose the true condition of our hearts. 

One of the most profound questions God asked in all of Scripture is recorded right in the beginning of Genesis. 

If you’re familiar with the account of the first sin committed by Adam and Eve, you might remember that after those forbidden bites, they immediately felt the weight of their sin. They knew they had done wrong. Scripture says, “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness.” (Genesis 3:7a)

Read Genesis 2–3 for the full story.

Let’s take a moment to step back before sin enters the picture. Notice the contrast between how Adam and Eve viewed their bodies before sin and how they viewed them afterward.

“Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25, NLT)

Before sin: no shame in their nakedness.

After sin: shame in their nakedness.

Why? What did being naked have to do with eating fruit? Why is this the place where their shame showed up?

As I ponder this story, I resonate with it. I, too, often feel shame in areas that seem to have little or nothing to do with the sin itself. But was shame ever meant to be a consequence of our sin? 

Let’s go back to the story, continuing in Genesis 3:8–11.

“When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. Then the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He replied, ‘I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.’”

Verse 11: “‘Who told you that you were naked?’ the LORD God asked.”

Notice what God asked them: “Who told you?”

Who told you to feel shame?

Who told you your body is bad?

Who told you I don’t love you?

Who told you you’re ugly, stupid, unworthy, a loser, fat, invisible…?

Shame was never meant to be attached to our guilt.

God shows that shame was never supposed to be part of our sin by making a covering for them so they were no longer naked.

Farther down in the story, Adam and Eve eventually confess their sin, and God pronounces consequences for their choice — but He removes the shame. He covers it.

God didn’t remove the consequences of Adam and Eve’s sin; they still had to feel the sting of their choices.

Just as God covered Adam and Eve in the garden after their sin, He also covers you and me.

There will be times when we make a wrong choice. We will sin, and we will feel the guilt of that sin. It is good and right to feel guilt because we are guilty. But guilt and shame are not the same.

Guilt says, I have done something bad.  

Shame says, I am bad.

I want my kids to feel the weight of their sin through consequences without carrying the burden of shame. If my kids never felt guilt for their sin, they would have no need for a Savior. Don’t run from your guilt. When you feel guilty, run to your Savior and let Him remove the guilt and cover the shame.

So let me leave you with this question one more time: “Who told you?”

Where do you feel shame in places where God never told you to feel shame?

Give it to Him. Let Him set you free today.

Dear God,  

You love us so much. For anyone reading this blog who is still struggling with shame, please cover them. They may still need to face the consequences of their choices, and that’s okay. Consequences are sometimes necessary. But shame is not for them. You cover us, and You love us. Show us how to surrender our shame to You today. God, I thank You that You love us right where we are, and yet You love us enough not to leave us where we are. You are worthy of all our praise.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.