140 Charges and a Courtroom Miracle | Ryan's Story

Sarah Annie Schneider: Mm-hmm. To the Addicted to God Podcast. I'm your host and Bible mentor, Sarah Schneider, and I am addicted to God. Addicted to God is a community of imperfect people who are pursuing a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. This movement was inspired by the hundreds of incarcerated women I've had the privilege of mentoring in my local jail. The more I learned about their addictive behaviors, the more I realized that my zeal to know God's word is not that different from their uncontrollable desire to use their drug of choice. So in a nutshell, addicted to God is where we transfer the unhealthy, unsatisfying, and destructive habits and choices to the freedom and fulfillment that can come only from the one and only healthy addiction, and that is God and his limitless word. Please share this podcast so that we can end addictions, encourage the defeated, and help anyone who wants to have a relationship with God but doesn't know where to start. So let's get addicted to God together. Friends, today I have a very special episode that I am excited and honored to be able to host, Ryan VandeHei on the Addicted to God Pod. Welcome, Ryan, and please tell us a little bit about you. Thank you, Sarah. I'm happy to be here. my name is Ryan VandeHei. I am from Oneida, Wisconsin. I'm a truck driver, a dump truck driver. I come from a family well my mom and dad were really never together. I have two brothers and two sisters. And I had a basically a good life. you know, good a loving family. And yeah, in a nutshell, you know I've been up and down through life and had some struggles with drugs and some incarcerations. Sounds you have an amazing and incredible story that God is going to use during our conversation today. So please tell me how you came to know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Well, I was raised Catholic in a church in a Catholic church so I had a certain belief in God, not a relationship with God, just what I heard, I didn't participate too much in church, just w had to go because family went. my grandma was a praying grandma and she she spoke about God and stuff, so internally I had a belief for it. there was no relationship though. so growing up, you know, that was my experience with it. But I would say when I was in prison, there was a time We we were locked down and had to be in our cells pretty much most of the day for up to a month I'd say. And I read the Bible and there's something that came over me, I think I I'm not even sure the sections I read in it, but there was a spiritual awakening that happened. you know, being forgiven was one of and I felt guilty. for the things I've done the and the letdowns of my family members and ending up in prison at such a young age. And so I began to be freed from that, just from reading and I can't say what I read, you know, the chapters, but I'm a loving person and I looked around me and it's just like I felt bad for people. these are things that I normally don't get emotional about or have any kind of thoughts about at you know, at that time. So in that situation I was curious about it, although you know as time went on I I grew away from it. I did go back to it. I went to church while I was in there. I just never really experienced the relationship, a personal relationship with Jesus. and then I sat some years, three and a half years, and came out and struggled. when I got out I felt like I was left behind. all my friends were done, you know, with school and and moving on to other things and I I still felt like I was the eleventh grader that I left as. and people gave me some trouble for, going to prison and looked down on me and like talked trash about me. like you know, like there was something wrong with me and it was a bad choice and I believe I paid the price for it. but but the the ridicule and and being accepted I guess and and somewhat I felt left behind. In looking back I can see that I was trying to make up for lost time, which just doesn't happen. you know, trying to catch up with people that have moved on and I just I was three years behind. I I sat three years and when I came out it was like I was still in eleventh grade and everybody else was college, working, married, you know, moved on. Ryan, I l appreciate you being so transparent about prison. And you've mentioned that you went at a very young age. So help me understand and those listening to understand what could a young man have done so bad that we he would have ended up in prison as a junior in high school? well it was a fire. it I got charged with arson. me and some friends were out drinking. and when we walked home we came to a vacant house or you know empty. Nobody lived there. And we went in and vandalized it. The house was being remodeled so there was paint stuff in there. And I d I'm not sure who lit it. There was three of us. but it got lit on fire and we we couldn't put it out, you know, the paint and stuff that was in there. it just everything caught fire. we ended up just leaving and went home. Okay, so some weeks went by and of course they were looking for what happened and I think my mom knew and my friend's mom knew because I smelled like smoke and I'm sure they talked and and I don't know if they just I never really asked. if they my mom knew, but eventually the cops came and it turned out to be you know, this is the craziest thing in the world. I don't it was the district attorney's house of Brown County, If you want to talk about walking into the wrong place. And having some bad things happen. That was that's that one tops it, Something you said that I want to expand on or hear and learn more about in your story is you said you and some friends were drinking. was that a lifestyle? because one of the things I've learned by mentoring women in jail is most of them are not incarcerated because of the drugs or alcohol or any of the addictions that they are entrapped to. They're in jail and in your case prison as a result of behaviors that their addiction drove them to. Sure. And I can agree with that. You know, so I think drinking for me started as a fit in thing. I never really liked the taste of beer. And I remember being at parties dumping my beer out and stuff like that. But the one thing I did get into was smoking pot and it took me in I felt, you know, obviously accepted, but It was something I just did because it everybody else did it, but but it it became something that grabbed a hold of me in one way or the other. And it did. And I made some horrible decisions when I would be under the influence pot it was other things like we'd go steal from the store or Yeah. it just it wasn't me and I had a conviction going on in there like, why am I doing this? But but my friends were more important and I couldn't tell them no. the thing about it is once the j drug or that that high you get that begins to take place more important than just doing what we should do is right, in order to fit in. It just it didn't make sense and it's something I don't understand, but when it does get a hold of you, it's something you can't just discharge. in me it took it took control. and I made some really bad decisions. Yep, and unfortunately so many of us do make bad decisions and yeah in your case the consequence was prison. Yeah, seven years I got and I was seventeen years old and then I got out when I was twenty one. So it was really hard, because there was a letdown, of course the victim of the crime, there was gonna be a punishment. And I didn't see it as that. I just seen it as a well, whoops, you know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. And I really didn't, I that's not the person I am. but when I get the drugs going in me or the alcohol, it's like there's an I don't care thing going on. That I I really didn't have control of. you know, that took a lot of years for me to admit I I can't make good decisions on any kind of chemicals. I wanna take you back into the cell when you read the Bible and you said something happened then. But when did Jesus Christ truly become your Lord and Savior? At what point did you finally throw your hands up and say, I'm done? So in two thousand eight I was in a treatment. I've done several treatments and none of had any lengthy sobriety behind I think the most was eighteen months. And that was the one when I I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. and I did. there was a a change that started to happen. but the one thing in my life is I'm a control and I'm a capable person and smart and able. And I think that I began to believe in myself instead of of Christ and following Christ and and really seeing what he can do when we surrender to him. In between two thousand eight and two thousand twenty-three, you know, I've built a life and I was always entertaining the cocaine habit and it and it was up and down. I would I would work really hard and and use my own you know, decisions and white knuckling it to get through and to actually accomplish things and and had a good career. only to throw it all the way to drugs again. so it it was very disheartening and I never wanted to believe that. God could change my heart and my decisions and you know, bring people into my life that would make a difference. so, it was a long fight with self-control or surrender, I should say. I had some blessings in those years and it was the times I was facing God and trying to be honest with him and and saying, you know I wanna surrender, but I don't I didn't know how and I went on sadly, building myself up and experiencing the blessings and you know, grace and mercy, but but then taking it all back and and usually ending up back on on some kind of drug. There's so much there. So some points of clarity. You didn't just do marijuana and alcohol. Cocaine came into the picture, other hard drugs? And how did that happen for you? well cocaine came in early in my life and it started with pot, you know. And they say that's a gateway drug. It is. And I think alcohol's the worst drug drug out there, but okay. It always starts with pot and people think it's okay, but it's not. you're depending on a chemical and and not life. you can't handle life circumstances unless you're under an influence But yeah, so there was cocaine and that was the main drug of choice. I've had some run-ins with meth and it and it would be only because I was short on coke or somebody had a lot of it. It wasn't my drug of choice, I've had some ugly experiences with it. it's really, I think, a demonic drug. I've seen some of the worst things in people acting and spiritually affected and just empty with meth. And all drugs eventually lead to that, but I think with meth it's very dangerous. but yeah, cocaine was my drug of choice and it brought me down every time. that came into play again because of the circle of people you hung out with, the pressure? Yeah, when I was being Have, I did I hung around good people, but I I found it to be boring. you know I always looked back at being put in prison at such a young age as it was their fault. I never got to experience my younger life and so I I needed to go drink or hang out at bars. I really didn't. It just it started the the downroad spiral of, you know, a little bit of drinks and I can't make a good decision that I'm doing drugs when I know I c wasn't supposed to be, I had rules to follow. That should be you know, not hard to figure out when you're on paper. I hey I can't do pot, I can't do coke, but I just added alcohol trying to fit in and yeah, downhill it went. I it it always started with feeling like I missed out somewhere, you know, and I was actually doing very well for myself. And is this this is after prison 'cause you said you got out when you were twenty one, which would make you legal then for drinking. Sure. you know, let's just say I've gotten in and out of prison enough times. twenty one was the first time. I completely failed. I was back in prison in less than a year. I did ten years. for the arson I've got ten years. Okay, and then in Wisconsin back then they had parole. So I got paroled and then course you're on parole and I could not follow the rules. I I tried to make up for lost time is is is a good way to put it. Or get back with old friends. I always believe that it's not their fault and they can do what they want and I'll just hang out and I won't do it. No, that that's never gonna work. you know I can say now fast forwarding ahead. that's the one thing I don't have is I discharged all them guys and I don't do it judgingly. They're just they're doing things that I cannot be around. they're not following any kind of faith and and that's who we need to put ourselves around if we're gonna be successful as believers in Christ and my faith. So that's who I put myself around in. I don't experience some problems. I got people who love me unconditionally. people that have came into my life just from meetings or churches or or through the program. yeah. I I don't dislike or judge people when they're in their mess or or that I had to walk away from and it's hard decisions 'cause some of are family and s some of are friends I grew up with, but if they're doing any kind of drugs or drinking, it's not gonna work for me. I cannot be around it. And it's proved itself over and over because My tactics at gaining control over alcohol and drugs were just failures. The only one that that I broke free was to seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. That's the only thing that's ever had any lasting effect and in not only that area of my life, but my thought life, my spiritual life, It just it changed my heart, I was able to act on what, I felt in the past. You know, I do care for people. I I don't like to hurt people or disappoint people. I like to help people. And I was never able to really get to that guy because I was so flooded in alcohol and drugs and just misguided in so many decisions. I'm really excited to go Deeper into your story about finding Jesus Christ, but I wanna back up when I first entered the jail and also followed a few of the girls to prison, early in this podcast you were saying how people looked down on you, they, treated you badly, they talked bad about you because, you were in prison. And that is true. I would I would put myself in that camp prior to realizing that the people who are incarcerated, whether it's jail or prison, they just made a sequence of really bad choices. That doesn't make them bad people. No, definitely not. And I I I felt a good guy inside but You just get recognized for your trouble and sure we make bad decisions and we have something to answer to, but in Christ we're forgiven. and I never understood that. you know, I always thought we should apologize and stuff like that, but people Would hold it against you forever and it's like I served a sentence. I I bought a house I could never live in, I paid the restitution and you're still calling me a arson and All those things. Yeah. All those things. Yeah, and a drugie was another one. And I actually accepted the fact that people call me a drugie or a drug addict. It's like, okay, well if it makes you happy, you know, and that's what I do. and it was almost a a sarcastic thing, well if you're gonna call me that I might as well be that, And and that's really self destructive too. I was losing who I was actually by taking the labels and either just doing it out of spite or a pure addiction to it where, it was taking out the better half of my decisions. The other part of your story that I think people don't understand and I was surprised to learn about probation. And you said that you couldn't stay true to probation because you'd fail, I can't remember exactly your words, but I just failed. So probation, describe probation. in the broader context with respect to what it is, but also potentially how can you break it. Well, let me just tell you, probation is good. It's accountability. This is how I see it now and it is a good thing because if you're gonna do what you're supposed to do and and I can now, you know, through Christ I can do anything. And I never could because I was on my own power and control things, like I can do this and rules are just rules, you know, we really don't have to look at that one. The old adage rules are made to be broken kind of thing. They are. And then I looked at anybody in a uniform as a enemy. So the PO was an enemy. the court. Probation officer. Yeah, so I had a bad attitude. although I was very good at manipulating and not acting that. the tape playing in my head was they suck, they're this, they're that, they're just out to get you. they want your money. You know, I had all the bad thoughts And that's what ruled. And then eventually Letting that tape play, I failed. how could I follow any rules when I was just planning how to break that's what I was looking for. I know I don't think I ever really tried to follow the rules. I was looking for a way to cheat and Shmooze You know, They're just doing their job. the one thing I learned is that system has some unfair things in it. And the only way I can beat that system is to not offend and to not be in that system because there's some tough things that happen on probation. Somebody can say something about you and they lock you up and ask questions later. that that did happen, but I have to go back and say, well, look who I was around. None of that stuff would happen if I was entertaining the people I'm supposed to be around and the people that are good for me, not the people that I wanna hang around with because what they are or who they say they are or, I grew up with and but they're not doing the right thing and there's gonna be questionable things happening in them type of gatherings, and if my name comes up, I go to jail. They just go home. when you have a probation officer, they have the ability to put you in jail and then investigate. So what kind of things could people say about you or what kind of things would you do that would break probation? or get you in trouble. Using drugs was the easiest one. I I was always a very good worker. I love to work. I still love to work. And sometimes I'll work too much. But I always had good jobs. I'm very talented and knowledgeable. I've done a lot of things, I've grown up on a farm, so I kinda always was able to get into a place that paid well and were actually good careers and I would screw up. Drugs always screwed them up. And it doesn't take much because probation, as you said, is accountability. They're trying to get you on the right road. Sure. what would be the cause of your relapses? That you would not set drugs down, that you continued to pick back up, even though you knew it was wrong or you could get caught or in trouble again? Well have a Pride issue, a false pride that tells me, yeah, you can just go out and do it a little bit. and I did, cocaine makes you feel good and I did enjoy some things about it, but it was only like the first time and then then you're hooked. And my God, so it starts with you think you can get away with it and I and I'm good at lying. I was a liar, a manipulator. I could talk anybody. out of anything and and I could also for a short period of time use drugs around everybody and they wouldn't even know it. So what does that do to my pride? That criminal code that I used to carry was horrible. But it did all darkness gets invaded by light. It comes to light. You know you can never hide anything it starts with God and He was telling me these things. I really am a good person. this is the truth. And I used to argue with myself because it started with that pride. I can get away with it, but then I would be getting caught and I would be seeing myself getting in further trouble and crying, out why can't I just be successful. and just being trapped by that addiction and then the people were up there he goes again and yep, he's just it's only a matter of time. He's always gonna end up in trouble and I I am in here as a person listening to this stuff, while it's happening, wanting to be normal. And why can't I just be normal? And why can't I succeed for any more than six months at a time? I just it was really disheartening. you know, but I always was good at hiding my emotion and just buttoning down and trying really, really hard to overcome things and and sometimes I did and I did, I was very honest when I went to treatment. I did. I tried hard in treatment, but nothing changed like like God changed me. when I finally put my efforts into God instead of people's directives and suggestions, just let go and start following the Bible and and being conscious about going to church and about going to Bible studies and praying is another one. It's huge. It's huge. and devotionals in the morning, that's what changed my heart and changed the return on my actions and my efforts. it's so easy compared to what I was doing when I was younger, trying to fight tooth and nail by myself and and lie but try and build off a lie, you can't do it. One of the things I wanna clarify is you've been in several recovery programs, you said. And most of them didn't work? They did for a short period of time. You know, like I said, it was obvious and I was failing and even to myself. and I went in and I did, I tried honest, but I always kept a few things I guess you would call a reservation for using or maybe I can go back around that person and sure enough that's further down the line, that's what would bring me back was that reservation. so I did I tried to clean up certain areas of my life and keep one just have that one little bad habit that you thought you could control. Yeah. I and it's crazy. You just you need to just come clean. and I had to come clean and sadly, It did. It took falling again, The bad part about it is when we go back to drugs, they don't just start over. They pick up where they left off. but worse. you know, the drugs are changing on the streets. you don't even know what you're doing and or what you're getting anymore. Right. it's fake, it's you know it's toxic, it's poison, it could kill you. yeah. horrible. And I was having a draw to it like I I never had before. I was doing things I've never done before, things that I always promised myself I wouldn't do, shooting coke and meth and stealing. I would probably just really low level steal something here and there. which ain't right. I'm not trying to justify it, but but pretty soon now I'm stealing carts full of stuff out of stores daily, every day, burglaries. I knew all kinds of people. That's who I put myself around because it was just like I was really entwined in a criminal life and and I did coke all day, every day for years until they had the last time they got me, that was the end of it. and this'll probably blow your mind, but I was charged with a hundred and forty charges. like sixty-eight felonies and sixty some misdemeanors. Wow. Okay, so before that ever happened, there was an investigation going on me. it was horrible. And I knew it. And I was crying out to God and I was trying to get to this teen challenge, you know, some gal, I think I was calling around treatments and somehow I came into contact with her, let me think of her name. Jackie. I talked to her about teen challenge and and right away she prayed for me. that affected me. I set up a date and waited to hear back from her. meanwhile I was still doing my drugs and I really was stuck. I couldn't get away from the drugs. she had to approve me and I was approved to go there. and I set up a date to go there, didn't show up. This went on for eight months. So everything was so bad at night and when I had to be alone and when I wasn't around my friends, I was crying out to God for just I thought I was gonna die like that. I really did. I had drugs. I was OD, I was having seizures. I was constantly every day stealing and I was under surveillance and I knew I was getting caught and and I was just burying myself further and and and crying, to God, while he was working, I was praying and and it was through this girl, she just never gave up on me. And it was kind of weird because I'm like I screwed you over. I I didn't show up and she's emailing me and calling me. so I got caught and I got charged with forty charges and I already had a bond they revoked. And so I'm praying. She showed up at jail and and vowed for me to get to that program. If he gets out we'll take him. And I was praying and I knew I was done. I got in jail and I just I I started praying. I didn't talk to nobody in jail. I read the Bible. I had scriptures I was reading and and trying to memorize them and just you know really just praying to God for help. I went to court and I had already had a I think it was $8,000 bail. I had to pay and so they're not gonna give me any more signature bonds, you know what I mean? they did. And I was like, Wow, I just couldn't believe it. So I got out and I went to Milwaukee and I went to the teen challenge and that's where the change began. That place is a excellent place. And why was that different than the others? Well, it's God you know, when you get there, it's not treatment. We don't talk about drugs. We don't we don't talk about the past. of course as people we we want to. That's what we've always done is talk about well this is so bad. they really are big on you need to surrender to God. We get a Bible, and we start to do Bible studies and read the Bible and they give us work that directs us to different areas in the Bible so we can see who God is and see how God views us. you know when the door closed behind me there, My attraction and that bondage with cocaine was over. I didn't have temptation for it. I didn't miss it. I had a feeling just to face God. It was a feeling of joy. All the weight was off my shoulders. and for a person who was just weighed down by addiction, the weight of the criminal, the the pending criminal charges I had and and when I was there they even hit me with more charges and they all totaled to one hundred and forty charges. there was something going on inside of me that said it was gonna be okay. in that not to focus on what I have done and and to see how Christ really forgives us. It doesn't matter where you are, how far you went, He loves us no matter what we've done. And somehow I was beginning to believe that. I didn't have the weight of drugs. I I had some amazing things happening around me and with my own spirit and they had some great leaders in there that really showed me what love was, these are people I didn't know. I'm coming in, they know everything about me. And they approach me with love like hey how are you doing nice to meet you God bless you and I'm just waiting for him to say well geez you're in a lot of trouble they didn't they said well God's got a plan for you we're gonna do this and we're glad to have you here we're going to church Sunday we're gonna sing and that's all we did is glorify God and and learn the Bible and and of course God does amazing things. there's always a mystery to how something inside of me had clicked. and and I really can't explain it. I've fought drugs for thirty years and When I went in there and I actually just I did I I I was giving up a long time ago. I just couldn't make the break. God was tugging at me just to go to that program, to go somewhere and just and say, Help me, and just for me to say it, not somebody else tell me you need God or for me to say I need God. And lay down that pride that you were carrying. my God, it was horrible. But when I did, I can't even explain there's power in in the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. And I started to see, you know, I've read the Bible before, and I tried to follow God, but I was trying to follow it on my terms. I actually did what was asked of me and then pray to understand and gain knowledge in his word. And of course God does the work, and he knows what we need. he knows what might give me a boost in my faith. the guys I was around was a very good group. I really love them guys. I still have a lot of contact with all the guys I was in that group with, the leaders that I was in that group with. I do a Bible study on Saturdays with that outfit. he calls me every week and put makes me a part of it. And he really taught me a lot while I was there. and I trusted them. I started to see something that was real. Instead of what my not that my friends are fake or something, but that they're not offering me something that's good. I started to see what the truth was doing to me. I was free from Like I said, thirty years of of stuff, I was weighed down, heavy. Yeah. And I started to have hope, and eternal life. And and like I said, the mystery part of it is, the God really does give us a strength that I don't understand. I fought so hard before and things were coming easy and it and it came with getting up in the morning and saying, I give my life to you and I l I seek you in everything I do and and help me to be a different person, help me to be compassionate, understanding, not judging and I really followed those commands and on the backside of that there's so much peace, there's just a new love and my heart was changing. and it continues to today and in so many different directions I was never able to be, I'm not Saying I was never that kind of person, I just could never get to that person because I had so much crap going on and not the right method of living my own life. I'm so inspired by your story and what I'm hearing you say is God pursued you. or would you say you finally broke and pursued God? I broke. I was gonna die. There's no if, ands, or buts about it. the amount of drugs I was doing and the overdoses I was having. you know, God only God could bring me out of them, I was by myself most of the time and woke up, from the overdose and I remember going out and I was sad and I was crying and I think I was going to hell you know basically I I don't recall but I would be back and God was always there and I would have these leadings and and these thoughts like Ryan just come to me I don't know, He was always there though. and when I got to the teen challenge, and I faced him, those thoughts I used to listen to Caleb all the time while I was still in my mess and people thought I was nuts. but it was the only thing pulling me through the day. I knew, them songs are written with scripture and it would stick in my mind and I'd be home at night and them songs would be playing in my mind, it gave me hope, you know, I'd be crying and I'd be crying to the and remembering a song that caught me or a scripture that caught me and I would finally fall asleep, in my mess I was in there. so God is patient. He never wants to see anybody go to hell. We choose to go we choose to live that way. Instead of choosing Christ, we choose our idols, our addictions, our problems. If we could just look at God, he has so much for us. but the man I was and the so called control I had. it just never worked. it was hard to get me to admit to some of the things I struggled with. And I still struggle and I'm gonna struggle. but these are manageable struggles. These are not things that are gonna kill me anymore. God has showed me He's so faithful and so powerful. it's unreal. How long ago was this and how long were you at Teen Challenge? I was there for eight months and I believe I got what I needed there. I had a very good program. I would have graduated. I chose to leave. My mom was having some health issues. she has some bad ribs that come out of socket actually. So when that happened of course, I was in debt horribly from my own addiction so you know it worked out. I felt pretty good spiritually. I chose to leave and it actually worked out in my favor. I got a very good job. I was able to pay I want to say it was fifteen or sixteen thousand dollars in restitution I had to pay. I paid that before I ever went to court which I talked about the hundred and forty charges. I paid that all off. I I had the the surrounding counties Brown, Outagamie, Calumet. I ended up with probation out of all of it. and the only thing that saved me besides Christ and and and turning to him I wanna say When I went to court, the judge looked at me and he looked at my charges and this was the most amazing thing I ever seen. He could not see the criminal in me anymore. he was flipping my charges and there was a stack of charges about as thick as a Bible. I got a picture of it. And he was flipping it and he's going, You were in jail, you got out of jail, and you just kept re-offending and you kept doing all this stuff. but I look up and I see there was thirty people in my courtroom. that I have met in church that God has put into my life that have kept me coming to meetings that have kept me into church that have gotten me into homeless outreach, feeding the homeless, helping other addicts. So I I didn't really realize what God was doing in my life in the past three years. So I went to teen challenge in twenty three and my court finally made it in twenty six and the judge couldn't see the criminal anymore. And that's just God, I was just following God, you know, this pastor Pastor Herb said you're gonna be okay, it's gonna work all and I'm just like I got this, he said just Follow God, trust God. And I did, it was really hard, but we got scriptures to pray. we're not that person anymore, it's the old is dead and l let the new begin, you know, and that really is true. It can happen, and it's the only way I was able to move forward is to believe in what Christ has for me and to keep following him and receive some some of his grace and mercy and the blessings and in the people that came into my life. people were befriending me and I thought it was strange, but when I learned that when people show up in your lives and they're interested in you and they see something different and what they're receiving was Christ and the things I was learning. That's what I was doing. And they see the God in you. And so all these people were in my courtroom. and he's looking at these charges and he's looking around and the Holy Spirit was just in the room. There were some other people there like, I've never seen anything like it. I don't think I have either. I never will again. And he said, All these people are with you. And they say, We're with him. And I just don't see. that old guy anymore. And I did pay and that was very hard for me I took all the money I made before I bought a car and everything I took responsibility. You know, and only God could change that in me. And and that's what I say about the mystery. It's like he really flipped a switch in me. So, they gave me four years probation, and I still can't believe it. A and a and it's a miracle, but it has. It it has further changed my life and my heart and to really have a faith in the power of God and what he was doing in me, I was I guess I really didn't notice how fixated I was on him, but he did. everybody else was seeing it. he really puts people in your life that are gonna assist you in your walk. I don't know where a lot of these people came from. I was just out going to church and I did I had forty letters and I think it was twenty five or thirty people in court. and and I met all these people from church, teen challenge and and like outreaches. So, you know, those are people of God and a lot of have only met me at a Bible study, but they seen something in me and they showed up. and they had my back and that means so much to me, compared to the life I used to live. How do you know you won't go back to that life? Because you're on probation again. Yep. And now you're not doing it in rebellion. I wanna see you be victorious over it. Sure. You know, I am victorious. We stand in victorious Exactly. Yes. this was done long ago at the cross. Very true. Yes, we just have to keep that. And I can tell you there was a point where I was backsliding and I was away from the church a little bit and driving truck and I wasn't able to attend and and it's very dangerous for an addict, for people who are self-righteous or control freaks or you know, talented I guess, or whatever you wanna say. We have to have a godly relationship, fellowship with Christians or like-minded people. a lot daily. In my life I do it all the time. I'm very conscious about devotionals, scriptural devotionals, Scripture, the word is what saved my life. The word is what changes people. It's the word that is gonna bring me home someday. there's nothing more powerful than the word of God. I need it. We all need God. Yeah. But I I do. I need to see that and have a daily surrender to Christ. How did you find your church? Or what steps would someone take who is saying, Okay, I need that, what advice would you have for them to find a church, get surrounded by the right people? Well, it's hard to say. You know, someone that was in my position, I needed jail. And that really is sometimes it's hard to say. I did. I needed it to be arrested, at least my habits arrested, and then be able to get a clearer look at God. but you know, when I meet people in like I used to go to the homeless park in Green Bay and I just told them don't give up hope because I didn't either. even in my mess I was at home at night, I didn't cry out in front of my friends, but I would I would cry. I didn't want to be that one person. I didn't. God has a way of of of making a way, for for you to face him. sometimes it's not going to be what we want. There's going to be some punishment in there, well there's punishment and consequences for our sin, it's because God has something He's teaching us or growing us to be. Yeah, yeah. I would be convicted on on my own trying to live life my own way or cheating or manipulating people and God's telling me, Hey, that's not love and when I started to read the Bible, it's not like I didn't know I was cheating but God values all people and I used to look down on people or take kindness for weakness was a good one. a manipulator, someone looking to scam or I fed on people's kindness, I would say. You know what the beautiful thing is when your heart changes, I have such a heart to help people and to be nonjudgmental and understanding with a lot of people who are struggling and they do, they listen. and I just credit God to that and He puts a shine on you, a light in you that they want. and that doesn't mean they're gonna get it. but I can tell some things and guide in the right direction. I just don't know what to say. You know, people have to make the decision. We have to shake hands with God and say, Hey, I'm with you. And then he can work. You know, he can't work if I just say, I want to be like that, we really have to say, God, here is my life, here's my decisions, here's my past, here's my future, and just give it to him and let him do what he does best with it. and I did that then I tried to get some of it back and wrestled with God. Yeah, wrestling with God, just let have it, Right. But Ryan he really likes To be the one that says, Yeah, I can do this, I can, but I can do it through Christ and it's so much easier and the results are better, Definitely. Yeah. So what advice would you have for someone who is struggling right now or is in a dark place, a place of discouragement, maybe that addict who is good person on the inside, but being controlled by something that they can't break free of? Well I like to encourage people. I remember feeling like I wasn't worth it. feeling like everything I've done has scarred me for life. No, God God makes you a brand new person. and everybody is beautiful. they they have something they can bring to the table. We're never too gone, we're never too far. God loves us. And if if you can't look around and see people that love you, just understand God loves you. And he we he has so much power, more than we'll ever imagine. just to orchestrate the things he's orchestrated in my life. I can't even still believe it, and the people that are in my life, it's like, Where did you come from? These people are encouraging me, they love me, they don't even know me and they're telling me, they they see me for my talents and for my treasures, not for anything I've ever been. So, those people are alive, God is alive. Don't you know, if you're struggling, yeah, you're probably making bad decisions and and things don't look good, but just understand that God loves you and he will put people around you if you can make the choice to get to church, that would be where you're gonna find, other people that will guide you in the right direction, we need help. That's fantastic advice. And you're bringing me to Second Corinthians twelve, nine, which is one of my favorite verses that says, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. And I love that because it does demonstrate that when we are at our worst and we are weak, God is strong and He is able to release us, free us, and carry us through everything. And the other verse that you remind me of is Second Corinthians five, seventeen. And you've mentioned it several times, so I want to put a pin on it for the listeners in case they're new to scripture. But it says, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old is gone and the new is here. And you're so right. There is that life before we have Jesus and then there's the life we get after we have Jesus in the rightful place in our lives, which is our Lord. So yes, we are new creations and scripture also says God has forgotten your sins as far as the East is from the West. So you can have felonies and prison sentences and all kinds of labels that people want to give you, but Christ says debt paid, washed clean, child of mine. Yeah. It's just so beautiful what he can do. Yeah. In us, through us, for us, and despite us sometimes. Yeah. And you know, like I said, I I I don't understand some things or how he can show himself like that or reveal himself. But The last time when I went to teen challenge I came in, I was beat down. And I did, I just I let go. And I just said, Now it's you. And I trusted him. And I still trust him today. he really took my sins from from the inside where all the weight was, where I where I couldn't see a future. And he gave me a future. And he really made things happen around me that I'll just never be able to take credit for, Well said. Yeah. So well said. And so true. now that you have moved on from teen challenge, moved on from drugs and alcohol, found a good church that's pouring into you, identify with a new group of friends, the fellowship of other believers who are continuing to keep you strong and grounded in the word. What other spiritual disciplines do you have? Or what would you say are some of the things that you do to stay connected to the word? you said that there was a season as a truck driver you couldn't get to your sure your church and you couldn't plug in and so Yeah that was scary. It is scary because what we do is we'll say, it's okay 'cause nothing's happening. but but little things keep and then the big thing will be down the line for you. Exactly. So we d we gotta stay connected. For me, I gotta stay connected. I love being connected anyway. I keep seeing miracles around me. I keep seeing joy and peace and healing. And those are the things because I know it's God. And I want to see God work. I love what God has done in my life and now I want others, I can share with others and start to see that in them. I've I've watched my cousin come out of a horrible addiction to be blessed, to have things just handed to him. that he didn't deserve and only God can do that. And I seen a few other people I was able to help do walk with him in that process. And the groups I attend and I just see miracles around me. and that's the life we need to stay in. and God directs us it's just a beautiful thing to see. Besides the Bible, are there any books, resources, specific devotionals that you lean on or things that you've found to be strong aids in your Christian walk? Well, I mentioned devotionals books. I struggle in the Bible. I struggle with storylines in the Bible. so a devotional, a scriptural devotional that has some scriptures ties it to a little story. I love those. it's taught me the context of scripture and what the true meaning of what he was talking about in some of his scriptures. But I do them in the morning. I just ordered a new one. the the one I did before was this Jesus is calling and it's kind of written like Jesus is talking to you. I can't remember who wrote it. one of my friends. Sarah Young. Yeah. Yeah. That was that was great. I read it for two seasons. I just gave it to a guy in a recovery center. and I hope it blesses him like it did me. but I love those. I stay in the Bible because that's what saved my life. God saved my life. I've read good books and stuff like that. But I love the Bible and what it has done and what I see it doing to other people. So good. I stay with the devotionals that are scripture related and my last question is, and I love asking this of all my guests, what does being addicted to God mean or look like to you? Well, you know, that's my favorite question. Okay. as we're created to worship, okay. And if we're not worshiping God, we're worshiping something else. And there's nothing else in this world that's gonna bring us what God can bring us. Eternal life for one heaven, the end of struggles and pain and tears, just pure joy and we're just gonna be waving ferns and singing praises to God, being addicted to God is, In my life I worshipped, things of Satan, the drugs, everything under the sun, sex, crime, not beating people up physically, but verbally abusing them, just being wrong. so when it came to the cocaine, I did. I worshipped cocaine. So I know how to worship and I know that's horrible. Okay, so if I can put that same energy in everything I d I believed that cocaine was gonna give me, everything I believed that stealing was gonna give me, and give that all to God and worship him. for everything he has that I know and that he'll continue to teach me in the knowledge and the spiritual and the strength and the power we have in the cross and the in the work at the cross and the covenant and and the power over evil. That's addicted to God. And and and I'm telling you the peace that I received from it is unimaginable. There's not a crackpipe, there's not a method, there's not any pill, there's not a drink that has ever brought me the return of peace, and love. You know, I just just a love for people. not to say I didn't like people, but I mean God has really got a A return that we'll never match and I can only imagine what heaven it's gonna be. A peace there is no more, nothing to to even affect that. But we can have peace on this earth. It doesn't matter what we did, like we talked about, God's willing to give He loves us. You know, He created us to bring him bring us back to Himself. and some of us have gone some crazy lengths trying to find peace and happiness and what we thought was pleasure. Right. yeah, I I find all of that in God and being addicted to God is like it it feeds that what I used to chase. It really does. I he has an answer. Love it so much. Your story is powerful to see how God has rescued you from the life you had and is forming you into such a beautiful man of God who is giving his heart to others like yourself who need Christ in their darkest places. So I just want to thank you so much for talking, sharing your story, being vulnerable. I love witnessing how you are glorifying God with all that you've said today and all that you're doing to continue To be strong in the Lord. I'm just honored. So thanks for being here. Thank you. So, friends, this is not the end of your story. This is the beginning of your rescue. Just like Ryan, you may be in a path or something in your life that you know is not God's best for you. And that's why I am thrilled to have you on this addicted to God journey, learning to trade every harmful addiction. For the one that truly satisfies, and that is Jesus Christ and his living word. If today's episode stirred something in you, would you please share it with someone who feels stuck or hopeless? You never know how God might use it to spark freedom in their life. I'd also love to hear from you. I launched a new website, Sarah Annie Schneider.com. That's where you can get connected to me. I have The AddictedTogodPod.com where you can read more about Ryan's story and listen to other podcast episodes and meet some other guests. If you are on social media, you can find me on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube at Sarah Annie Schneider. And I really would love to have you follow me daily in my daily shorts each day where I ponder on the path with my pup. And I'm also always looking for guests. So if your life has been genuinely transformed by Jesus, if you've experienced what it means, To transfer your addiction to him? I'd love to hear your story. Email me at addicted to Godpod at gmail.com. And as we close, remember, you are not defined by your past or your struggles. When you transfer your addictions to God, he becomes your one and only healthy addiction. So God bless you, friends. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith. And I'll see you next week. And don't forget to choose the better addiction.