Healing Church Hurt Ep.14

Sarah Annie Schneider: To the Addicted to God Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Schneider, and I'm Addicted to God. The Addicted to God Podcast is a safe biblical space where herding people learn to transfer their addictions, whether from substances, approval, relationships, pain, success, or anything. It's when we are seeking that life-giving addiction to God Himself. So This podcast is for anyone who knows something has to change. Perhaps you're stuck in cycles that are stealing your peace, relationships, or future. Or you sense God is the only answer. You just don't know where to start. Through honest conversations, scripture-centered teaching, and real stories, this podcast aims to help you or someone you love break free and pursue God with the same desperation that you once chased other things. So I'm really glad you're here. Let's get addicted to God together. Today, I have to admit, this is a sensitive one. So I pray, Lord, please give me the wisdom and the words to articulate your truth to those who need to hear it. I'm going to talk about something that's really heavy for a lot of us. And I encounter this because sadly, I have met so many people that their biggest barrier To growing a deeper, more intimate relationship with God is because of church hurt and spiritual disappointment. If you've ever been wounded by people in the church, you know just how deep that pain cuts. Maybe you were gossiped about, excluded, judged harshly, or felt like you couldn't show up as your real struggling self without being looked down on, shunned, or rebuked. Something I find most common and I'll be honest, I'm guilty of doing myself is when someone brings their children into big church. Kids don't have the attention span, and in their defense, they're just kids, but they're busy. I still regret and replay this scenario over in my mind ever since it occurred. One time at church, I sat next to a family that brought their five children into church. They were all very young. One of the children was climbing all over mom, another leaning on dad, another laying on the floor, and the other kicking the back of the chair in front of them. I could relate I actually felt sympathy for these parents. They were distracted, frustrated, and they were sincerely doing their best to get their kids to sit still, listen. They even provided them coloring books and toys, whatever they could to keep them provided. Preoccupied, but it's church. They couldn't focus, and their children were distracting everyone around them. Here I am in my mid-40s-ish, thinking I was helping when I said, you know what, we have an incredible children's ministry, and I think your kids would love it. I got a glare that immediately made me aware of what I just did. And I was convicted. And I was exposed. Despite my well-meaning invitation, I could tell what they heard was, Your kids are distracting, you're not good parents, and your children aren't welcome here. Ugh, that is so not what I meant. That family is in church. I should be praising God that these these children in this family had come to church. Children are a beautiful blessing from God, and I love kids, and I would give anything to have mine in church with me. I was sincerely glad that they were there. But that's not what they heard. And sadly, they got up immediately and left. Ugh Please come back, I thought to myself. Please give this church another chance. Please give me another chance. It's not what I meant at all. But in hindsight it is exactly. What my message implied. You see, even well-meaning people hurt people. I still pray for this family. I pray that God is bigger than my words and that God would show that family the love, the heart, and the intentions that not only did I intend, but that they really did belong at church. But that's how easy it is. Who knows? That family might have spread that message far and wide all over social media that our church is not family friendly, that we're not kid friendly, or we're judgmental. And then there was this woman I met in jail one time when I was mentoring her. And I will admit when she walked into the room, I was a little taken back. It was the first time that I had met a woman incarcerated who basically had tattoos cover her entire body, including her neck. And she even had several marks all over her face. And I felt sad when she said that she couldn't even go to church. Churches should be the most welcoming, accepting, and nonjudgmental place on the planet. So I asked her, what if I took you to church? And she lit up. Would you? So I did. And I have to admit, we both got looks. But I was so proud of her. She stopped caring about what other people thought and she put her focus on what and who really mattered. She taught me a valuable lesson that once she f leaned in and faced her fears, God removed those fears and she felt the warm welcome, as if God Himself had met her at the door with a greeting that said, Welcome, little one. I'm so glad you're here. We both wept as the worship music played because we realized that God fully accepts us, no matter where we're from, what we've done. what we look like, and regardless of how we show up in church. It's that we show up in church. And the important thing is that we're showing up for God and for our good. So these are just a couple of examples. And I guess comparatively they're very innocent, but I I really sincerely have to bring up the hard ones. Some of the deepest trauma that I have helped women walk through, women specifically, to be clear, is hurts and disappointments that involve physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. The unbelievable, incomprehensible pain when a pastor, a trusted church leader, or a Christian influencer misuses their position, power, and authority. I know this is not unique to women, but when I speak about this specific hurt, I have learned of rape, infidelity, breaches of confidentiality, or being maliciously slandered, degraded, treated condescendingly, or dismissed altogether. Fortunately, I don't have this in my personal story, but boy, ⁓ boy, talk about pain beyond belief when someone you trust and it's someone who you should be able to trust hurts you, violates you. Or wrongs you in a way that robs you of your innocence. Sincerely, I don't even have any words. There are no words. And if you are that person who's hearing this podcast and that has been your experience, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. I know that doesn't take the pain, memories, or the experience away, but I have to say, That it does make my blood boil when I hear these stories. And as a woman who wants to acknowledge that this level of church hurt and spiritual disappointment should never be a part of the world, particularly what should be the safest environment in the world. Church. So if this is your story, I want you to know that I see you. And more importantly, God sees you. There's a Hebrew name for God that I particularly love. It's L-Ra-E-L space R-O-I, pronounced L Ra-E. And this particular name of God is only used one time in the Bible, and it's for a woman who was cast away. And an angel comes to her and says, God sees you. El Ra-E sees you. So today's message is meant to help us, myself included, walk through this together, no matter what level of hurt you've experienced. This episode, though not long enough or complete enough to fill every gap of every church hurt or spiritual disappointment that you've endured, I want to place an emphasis on three specific things. Number one, who God is and what he intended his church to be. Number two, Why the church is capable of disappointing us and likely will disappoint us. And three, how can we move forward from the hurts that we're carrying in the only non-regrettable way? So let's start with number one, who God is and what he intended his church to be. I'm gonna try to weave a lot of scripture into this. Because I really believe Scripture is where the healing power is contained. First John 4:8 says, God is love. God is perfect love. He is safe, he is kind and faithful, even when everyone else fails. Lamentations 3:22 to 23 reminds us that because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail, they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. From the very beginning he designed the church to be a family, a place of healing, truth, love, encouragement, and safety. Ephesians two nineteen says you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God's people and also members of his household. He wants us to belong, to be known, to grow together, and to reflect Jesus to a hurting world. That's why the Bible calls the church the body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12, 27. And the bride of Christ in Ephesians 5, 25 through 27. It was never meant to wound us. It was meant to help us to become more like Jesus. But here's the honest part. Why the church is capable of disappointing us. Honestly, it's because the church is made up of imperfect, broken people, just like you and me. We're all being sanctified or transformed into becoming more like Jesus Christ. But that doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen in a blink of an eye, and it doesn't happen with the snap of the fingers. It happens over a lifetime. Romans 3.23 says, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That's all. That means everyone. First John 1.8 tells us that if we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. In my own life, I grew up in a church all called judgment church. My parents openly expressed frustration with the deacons who were voted in. And the word hypocrite was thrown around a lot. In my most formative years, That left a deep impression. The church talked about living by quote Christian standards, but there was infighting and gossip and disunity. It hung over us like a gray cloud. It made me question why I would want to go to a place and subject myself to that. That kind of pain is especially confusing because we expect God's people to be safe. And when they're not, it can shake our trust in God Himself. But here's the good news. God sees every single wound. He understands the betrayal. And he still wants to heal you so you can keep moving toward him. We don't want to divide a church to divide you from your Lord and Savior. And when you do connect with a good church, a healthy church, and surround yourself with a community of believers, you're stronger together. One of the things I treasure the most in my life are my sisters in Christ who love me, accept me, sharpen me, challenge me, encourage me through my walk with the Lord, as failed and faulty as I may be. So, how do we move forward from whatever hurts or harm we're carrying in the only non-regrettable way? We need to separate God from his imperfect people. God is not like the ones who hurt you. He is safe. He is trustworthy. He will never misuse you. Psalm twenty seven ten promises, though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. That includes the spiritual family too. And we need to name the pain honestly. We need to go to God and to save people and not be ashamed or worried about shame. Psalm 1473 says, He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. We also entrust every hurt to the righteous judge, just as Jesus did. First Peter 2 23 tells us, When they hurled their insults at him, Jesus, he did not retaliate. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly, God. So we also do need To re-engage, but do so with wisdom. A healthy community is still what God desires and what God has designed by creating the church. Hebrews 10, 24 and 25 encourages us and says, Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds and not give up meeting together. It's a community where healing should begin and a safe place to start rebuilding trust. I also recommend listening to episode four of the Addicted to God podcast on how to find a healthy Bible teaching church. Some churches, like the one I grew up in, wasn't healthy. I have been a member at my current church for over 20 years. I'm not going to say my church is perfect because no church is perfect. But I value our leadership and I really appreciate their deep desire to honor and obey God, to not make their pulpit their platform for their religious expectations and demands. They teach the Bible and they model it for us. So to you who have been hurt, deeply hurt. To the point that you have been kept away from being in the community and fellowship of other believers, may I pray over you and with you right now? Please close your eyes and bow your head as I speak these words. Lord, the wounds from your people have hurt deeply. I bring every betrayal, every silence, every judgment, and every abuse, and all and any shame that we are carrying to you. Help me separate you from the failures of others. Heal my distrust. Restore my hope in a healthy community. Whether in a group or in a local church, show me where I can safely belong again. And I entrust every hurt to you, Lord, the righteous judge. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. So now, friends, take a few minutes with me and walk through this safe inventory. Go ahead and pause this episode and pick up a journal or a piece of paper if you are able, and then come back. Write down number one, name the hurt. Briefly describe one experience of church hurt or spiritual disappointment or even something that made you feel ashamed or hinders you from showing up just as you really are. Number two, separate lies from truth. Write down the phrase, because of this I believed blank about God, church. Or people. And then write, God says blank. Maybe pull some of the scriptures that I've used in this podcast episode to be able to speak to you and fill in those blanks with the truths of God's word. Because you may be selling yourselves on lies that have not been true. Those lies themselves have hindered you from going to church and growing closer to God. Number three, write down what your next step is. And choose one small step toward community this week. And then fourth, affirm it. Write and speak it out loud. God receives me even when people don't. And I am not defined by how the church treated me. If you're listening with others, here are some questions that you can discuss. Or perhaps you want to write down and take them to a trusted friend to discuss. Number one, what makes church hurt feel so different from other pain? Number two, have you ever felt ashamed to show your struggles in church? What helped? Or what hurt? Number three. How does Psalm 2710 bring comfort when our spiritual family fails us? 4. What does not giving up meeting together look like for someone who's been wounded? And 5. How can this space be a bridge toward a healthier community for you? These are really great practical questions and things to really dig deep into as you begin. Your own personal steps toward healing. Friends, this isn't the end of your story. This is the beginning of your rescue. I am truly thrilled to have you on this addicted to God journey with me, learning to trade every harmful addiction for the one and only addiction that truly satisfied God and his life-giving word. If today's episode stirred something in you, Would you please share it with someone who you feel is stuck or feeling hopeless? You never know how God might use it to spark freedom in their life. And I would love to stay connected with you. Look me up on Instagram at Sarah Annie underscore author. Please follow or subscribe to my channel on YouTube, Sarah Annie Schneider, at addicted to God, and Facebook. Facebook.com forward slash Sarah Annie Schneider. And my latest blog at www.godlegirlfriends.com. And if you're listening on Apple or Spotify, please take a minute to leave a rating or a star or a review because it helps this message reach more people. I'm so glad you're here. God bless you and have a God-filled day.